Just Do It
Why now? After years–probably seven or eight, okay let’s be honest and round up and say a solid ten–of saying I would, I’ve finally done it: started a blog: the Field Guide to Living, if you will.
So, why now?
The best way I can describe it is by stealing a few lines from Charles Bukowski’s poem “so you want to be a writer?”:
if you have to wait for it to roar out of
you,
then wait patiently.
if it never does roar out of you,
do something else.
Well–I’ve waited, more like fearfully avoided, and I physically can’t delay any longer. It’s the, pardon me, shit or get off the pot moment. Do or die. Try to fly. You get the point.
The urgency I feel keeps me up at night with questions like–Can I still write? Do I even like writing anymore? It’s been years. What do I even have to say?
And that leads me now to the second reason I have started this blog–this ‘accountability/advice log’ of a digital nature–a good friend’s brutally honest words in response to my same whining complaint about lacking ____ (insert in the blank a selection of the following: a boyfriend, direction, money, more friends, friends who care, sane family members, a job I love, a bigger apartment, a better body, etc. etc.).
She said: “I just want you to be happy. It’s been seven years since I’ve seen you really happy.”
I said: “What! No, of course I’m happy… really…”
The Truth: I’m not. But I’m also not miserable. What I am is too stuck in my own way, in my own head, like a majority of the population. In this, as with most things, I am not special.
But what she said, I felt the weight of it in my throat, a weight that sank to the pit of my stomach. Seven years?! What felt like yesterday is now 2025—those seven years felt like seven weeks. And what do I have to show for all this worry and hesitation and second guessing? Nothing. Not even a good failure–and failures, as we know, suck.
But they also make for great stories and actually show you you’ve tried. Failure is the water needed for the seeds of confidence to flourish.
So when was my last real failure? It has been every moment I haven’t tried something new because I let the fear of possibility of failing stop me–because it was too hard, or I didn't know where to start, or I wasn’t good enough in some capacity (smart enough, pretty enough, accomplished enough, etc.).
About a week ago, I officially decided to launch this blog as an accountability journal and a field guide to living. I’m tracking my progress over the next year in living and doing instead of sitting and fearing and I’m sharing my progress (and even ‘regressions’) here. While I am hoping this inspires me more and helps me write more, I am also hoping this inspires and helps others to start doing instead of waiting around for a sign.
Like my dad likes to say–usually before getting up from his armchair to do a task he’d rather not do–
Here we go!
Thanks for joining me on this journey,
Caity